No Make-Up Bride #4: The Trigger

There are a number of reasons why I rarely bother with make-up day to day, from sheer laziness to the expense, as well as the fact that I haven't got a steady hand. And these factors play a big part! I've already explained in detail why I've specifically chosen not to wear make-up for the wedding, but there is one trigger that explains my whole attitude to make-up and beauty. Here's the story...

There was a phase in my teenage years when I wore quite a lot of make-up. Especially (and often only) on the eyes.

Yep, I was an emo.

A really bad one! I put on thick black eyeliner that I insisted wasn't really that thick (I blame the eyeliner 'flick'), I'd wear a triangular scarf for the purposes of looking emo rather than being warm, I'd wear those hilarious 'arm warmers' for the same reason as the scarf, I'd update by Bebo and Myspace accounts with failed selfie attempts and pensive quotes, I listened to Bullet for my Valentine and Paramore (that's about all I knew), I hung out with random (but fun!) people in the park or town on Saturdays, I straightened my hair and always made sure my side fringe was over my eyes*, I'd wear black or red nail polish, I put little badges on my school bag, I'd wear a studded belt (the emo staple!), and I just remembered the worst of all... I had this bright (I mean, BRIGHT) orange eyeshadow. Good grief. Fun times, fun times.

For a while, the eyeliner and hair was an everyday thing before going to school. For some reason, though, one day I chose not to wear any make-up. I can't remember whether I woke up late, or just couldn't be bothered, or what. I mean, considering the stark difference this clearly made to my face, it was quite a big thing to just suddenly not do one day and not remember why. But it happened. It also wasn't on my priority list to take any make-up to school and quickly apply it during morning registration - probably because I didn't want to draw attention to myself in that way or put up with the pressure of people watching me fail to put on eyeliner properly.

So I went to school without my usual black eyes, and sat down in my seat for morning registration. The girl in front turned round to chat to me and my lovely friend Stacey, as normal, and this girl ended up having quite a strong reaction to my lack of make-up. The main thing I clearly remember her saying was: 'You look dead'. Well, you only look mildly alive yourself! I didn't say that. In fact, though it was slightly awkward, I didn't end up falling out with her over it or dislike her for saying it. To be honest, she had a point, and I think I knew it at the time. I couldn't exactly blame her for thinking it, even if I could blame her bluntness. My face was a complete contrast to normal, and I hadn't planned to change it, which would have made any anger on my part for people merely noticing quite unjustified, I suppose. My reaction ended up going a little deeper than this, though.

'You look dead' isn't exactly the first thing anyone wants to hear about themselves. But instead of resolving to never walk out the house without make-up ever again, I logically concluded that I should do the exact opposite. In the short term, people would perhaps carry on saying I looked dead. But in the long term? They'd get used to my actual face, and therefore my actual face wouldn't look dead to them any more. I wasn't bothered if they didn't think my actual face was the most beautiful thing on earth, but I definitely knew I didn't want it to look dead. 

I'm so, so, so thankful that 15-or-so-year-old me at the time was willing and able to put up with any comments to achieve that. I certainly wasn't bullied for it, and I don't remember much about the reactions of anyone else. To my surprise, people didn't really care - the short-term effects were short-lived. Perhaps that's just because I wasn't popular enough anyway, or an obvious target for bullying. I was sort of an 'inbetweener' in terms of school social structures. But still. I'm so thankful that my attitude was automatically one of making sure I was accepted for who I was. I reckon a little bit of Jesus was what influenced me that day. 

Since then, I've gone through minor phases of wearing make-up, but it's never returned to any extremes. I wore it in freshers year for nights out but now I rarely even wear it for special occasions, though I'm still open to. And this all stems from that day in Year 9. It's got to the point where I'm comfortable with my face and have been for a long time. People say my skin is alright anyway, but I don't think it's that great myself (though if it is alright, that might be because of the lack of make-up?). The reason I don't bother is not because I think I'm flawless, but because I don't ever want to have to rely on make-up to feel normal. My face is already normal. It's a face. And make-up is both time-consuming and expensive!

Given the first video I shared in my first blog post, I can't exactly recommend that everyone tries not wearing make-up. That's not what I want to achieve anyway. But I hope my story can at least inspire some of you to think about why you wear it and maybe consider not doing so for a while. If you do choose to do some form of 'no make-up challenge', be aware that people may still only ever compliment you with make-up on. That happens to me and plenty of other women I've read about or spoken to! But realise that's because of a) society, and b) objective beauty. It doesn't mean you're not beautiful, or can't be seen as beautiful without it. You're still a human being. Alive, breathing, and full of purpose. I know it's easy for me to say when I seem to have an inbuilt apathy towards my appearance, but that doesn't make it any less true. 

You are much more than how you look. Ironically, the more you realise this, the more the way you look will reflect who you are. 


*though I thankfully could never bring myself to dye it, and never have. Hairdressers praise me for this and tell me my hair is in very good condition, so I'd personally like to keep it that way! P.S. why do I always seem to have one of these asterisks?! 

No Make-Up Bride #3: Making an Effort

The only thing I feel like I will be missing out on with not wearing make-up for my wedding will be the fun of getting ready and making an effort. Fulfilling my inner girl (it’s down there somewhere!). I totally support the idea of wearing make-up in order to actually feel like you’ve made an effort for someone – time, care and energy show love. What’s more, it builds up excitement, indicates that you respect your appearance, and shows you want to feel and be attractive to someone. I’ve already explained that Sam would actually prefer me without make-up as he’s attracted to me more that way, but I’m totally open to going on a date with him (yes, as a married couple!) wearing make-up at some point. 

I’m also totally against the idea that not wearing make-up shows that you’re lazy and don’t want to make an effort. Even if you only spend 10 minutes getting ready, that doesn’t mean you don’t love a person, you just might express that love differently and make an effort in other ways!

However, I would like to make up for the fact that I won’t be putting on make-up for (eyyyyy!) the wedding, by making an effort in other ways. I still want to enjoy pampering myself with the rest of the bridal party!

One of my bridesmaids has recently started making perfumes (see here), so we’re planning a wedding ‘smell’ to put in reed diffusers for the reception, as well as a special perfume for me. To quote her, everyone cares so much about what their wedding will look like, so why don’t they care about the smell?!

She is also a massive Lush fan and we’ve already been to our nearest store (about an hour’s journey away) to pick up some samples and free facemasks, which was fun. I think they’re doing good things. I’m never sure with my skin, as it seems so unresponsive to everything. But I’ll definitely be smothering my face in cleansers and moisturisers and facemasks on the night before and morning of the wedding!

I’ll also be doing the other normal things like nails and hair. Whilst I don’t do much with my hair day-to-day either (or my nails), it’s something I care more about looking nice than my face. Which is maybe a bit weird. But good-looking hair normally feels and probably also smells nice too, whereas make-up to me feels a bit heavy, and I can’t cry or rub my eyes! So I find hair positively affects more of the senses than make-up. Plus, nice hair tends to compliment the face and draw out its beauty (when styled appropriately), whereas good make-up doesn’t change a bad hair day. As a result, I’ll definitely be making a big deal of my hair to make sure it’s perfect!

I’ll try to think of other ways to pamper myself too. Most likely have some crazy bath with bombs and smells and candles and fizzy things and bubbles (and wine), though I’m never a fan of the way I either feel horribly lukewarm or overly hot in a bath… any ideas of other ways I can ‘make an effort’ and enjoy getting ready will be most appreciated :D

TTFN!